Learn more about our resident mental health expert and author of Mental Health Mondays, Jade Savage.

Hi Moms!

Hi mommas! If your kids attend school, they are well back into the school year after break. How do you feel when your kids are home for the holidays versus when they are back at school? Is this something you enjoy? Or maybe it makes you a bit more stressed because of the lack of routine? I just want to let you know that there is no right answer to that question. And there is no shame if you are feeling better now that your kids are back in school. When our routine gets thrown out of whack, even for something as fun as the holidays, it can be stressful and overwhelming. Understanding ourselves and what we can handle is one of the first steps we should take when thinking about managing our mental health in all regards. What can you handle? Where are your boundaries set up to understand your needs? Or do you need to set them up? Let’s chat about it.

What is a Boundary and Why Should We Have Them

Boundaries are needed. Yes, needed. It is not up for discussion whether boundaries are a good thing and whether they are needed. A boundary is set in place for the purpose of protecting yourself, your children, your loved ones, and strangers. Boundaries are essential when navigating something a tad stressful or emotional or hard because they allow you to make decisions that are going to protect you. We have boundaries at work, such as the business being too busy and expecting you to stay late without compensation. The boundary of your workday and what you expect for working is going to protect you in making sure you get what you deserve and are not taken advantage of in the workspace. Another example could be talking politics with your in-laws. If they tend to talk a lot about politics and drag you into their conversations and that makes you uncomfortable, set that boundary. Maybe the boundary is that you will not talk about personal preferences for politics when spending time with family. Once you set that for yourself, then make sure it stays. This does not control what they do and what they talk about, but you now know that you do not need to join in on the discussion because they are asking you to.

Not only is the boundary important, but sticking to it, enforcing it is going to be necessary. We see the need for boundaries in a lot of aspects. This might be in work, with your in-laws, at school, in your religious community, with your children, with your friends, and so forth. If going to your husband’s work friend’s 29^th birthday party is stressing you out and making you anxious about having time for other things or having time to decompress, set that boundary and say no :). There is no shame in setting that boundary and sticking to it. Others might not always get it, but that is not something that you can control, nor should you spend a long time thinking about.

Not only is setting boundaries for yourself very important, but helping your children set boundaries and stick to them is so helpful for them. An example of this might be your child tends to get tickled by their grandma. The child expresses to you and you can notice his discomfort when it happens, that it makes him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Working on setting that boundary would be chatting with your child and the grandma and discuss why he does not want to be tickled and that we would appreciate if you wouldn’t tickle him anymore. Another example might be that your child usually gets Cs on his tests and one of his friends is a straight A student. The A student always likes to talk about grades and what everyone got. This makes your child uncomfortable. Setting that boundary would be to have that child clearly express that they do not wish to share their grades, nor do they need to know the others, because it makes him uncomfortable and that not everyone needs to know that information.

People that we deal with and set boundaries with will need reminders. People will tend to do what they want to do, without thinking about your boundary. That is expected, and we can offer some grace here. But if it is intentional and disrespectful, don’t be scared to stand up for yourself! Stick to that boundary! You deserve to feel how you want to feel without others stomping all over your boundaries. You can do this! Help your children do this and make this an easy conversation. This way they feel comfortable setting more boundaries in the future.

Your Mental Health and Boundaries

The reason we talk about boundaries today is because setting and sticking to your boundaries protects you and your mental health. When you set up rules and direct respect, it avoids and removes negative feelings, negative thoughts, and negative behaviors. It promotes positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and this is why it is so important to set and stick to your boundaries. If you need help with this, don’t be worried to text a friend, or co-worker, or a mental health professional to help you set these boundaries throughout your life. I tell you; it is powerful to have these set and to stick to them. To feel in charge of your life and how others treat, speak, and act towards you. Take charge :)!

Reminder: this is not a form of therapy/counseling. If you are experiencing negative mental health symptoms, I encourage you to reach out to a local mental health professional so that you are able to get direct help.