Learn more about our resident mental health expert and author of Mental Health Mondays, Jade Savage.

Hi Moms!

How is it going? Was Christmas a whirlwind for you too? I hope you found some peace within your holiday and had your needs met as well as met your children’s needs. It can feel so chaotic with different parties, different children wanting to different things, your husband/partner and wanting to spend quality time with them, the in-laws and family things, and all the things. So, with that, congrats on making it through! Now relax and enjoy the rest of the holiday season while it here! Also, I am very aware that there are some of you that are thriving during this time, and I am here for it! Everyone is different, and there is no need to judge or compare us with others. Everyone is doing their best and that’s all we can ask for!

More Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

 Last time we talked a lot about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and being mindful of our thoughts. How is that mindfulness going and that work with identifying our thoughts and determining whether they are truthful or not? It can be really difficult. When we are in the moment, and we look at our thoughts, we will probably think “No this thought isn’t true, but I don’t care because I am mad and upset and I can’t do anything about it!” Listen, I hear you. When we are in those moments of intense feelings, there is no new learning that can happen there. Ideally, we can look at our thoughts after the intense feelings. After the height of the emotions and irrational thinking have passed, and we are able to think more clearly. This is the same with our children. After their emotions have decreased and calmed down is when we are able to talk to them about what happened and notice the thoughts to what caused those emotions and behaviors.

While we want to understand our thoughts, and work on changing them to be more positive and logical/truthful, we must be kind and understanding to ourselves. In those moments of intense feelings and negative thoughts, be kind to yourself. You are human, and you are not going to get this on the first or second go around. It is going to take time. Honor your emotions and understand that there is work to be done. But the key here is to do the work in a gentle and safe way. Set yourself up for success. Get a gameplan of getting that que of “hey, maybe what I am thinking isn’t actually the truth?” Or, if this is the truth, what can I do about it? Not what I want to do about it, but what I can do about it.

I see this often in relationships. Let’s say your husband says something that you instantly internalize and perceive it as something negative about you. What were his intentions behind those words? If you don’t know, ask. For example, he says “man, this house is a mess.” You internalize this as he thinking I am not cleaning the house good enough, after I just deep cleaned the kitchen this morning! This might make you feel bad, that he’s not paying attention to you, and so forth. From his perspective he meant that there is clutter on the floor, and nothing to do with what you have or have not done. Do you understand what I am saying here? We perceive things a certain way, which may or may not be accurate/logical/truthful. If they aren’t those things, then we are just harming ourselves for allowing ourselves to keep thinking those negative patterns and thoughts.

This is a challenge, but that’s what I am here to do. I am here to challenge you to start noticing those thoughts. If you are unsure the meaning or truth behind something, simply ask. Or take it a step further, understand that you may not need to know for you to think positively and logically. Understand that focusing on what you can control is going to lead you to so much more success and happiness. You got this! I know this is difficult. But this is the work that it takes to feel better mentally. You can use this with all situations, emotions, feelings, behaviors and so forth. You are in control! Take it!

Movement

Previously we talked a lot about getting alone time and adult time, to take care of your mental health. Another thing that is so beneficial that can be included in your daily or weekly routine is movement. Now I want to make it very clear that when I say movement, I do not mean going to the gym and lifting weights. That is a great form of movement, don’t get me wrong, but there are tons of ways that we can be active. Often, especially on social media there is a message that we need to work out a *specific* way, which is simply not true. Any movement is good movement. I am going to list some ways that you can get movement in. Movement can include walking, running, jogging, yoga, pilates, barre, hiking, biking, roller blading, swimming, kayaking, paddle boarding, boxing, weight training, HIIT, dancing, any sport, and more. Look at that list. Look at how many different options there are to getting movement in. Another message that we sometimes see on social media is that we need to be working out for hours in the gym. Not true. 15-20 minutes is a great goal when we are getting started. Sometimes that’s all we have time for and that’s okay too! Any movement is good movement.

Why should we get movement? It is so good not only for our physical bodies, but for our mental health as well. When we move our body, those good endorphins and hormones get sent out that *literally* make us feel better. It is a way that we can clear our mind and put our emotions into movement and getting it out of our bodies. Sometimes people report that they take that time while moving to problem solve something and work through things.

This is not only an essential part in everyone’s life, but it’s so important that if you are in that post-partum period to make sure you are getting in gentle movement. It does so many wonders for your body, physically and mentally. Double whammy if you are getting your movement in outside!

You got this mamma! We covered a lot of things today, but I have a lot of faith in you that you can manage this. Get your movement in and be gentle with yourself during it. Don’t forget to be mindful about your thoughts and begin to understand the connections between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Keep it! You’re doing a great job, and I am very proud of all the hard work you are doing.

Reminder: this is not a form of therapy/counseling. If you are experiencing negative mental health symptoms, I encourage you to reach out to a local mental health professional so that you are able to get direct help.