Learn more about our resident mental health expert and author of Mental Health Mondays, Jade Savage.

Hi Moms!

How is everyone? I hope everyone is getting that adult time and alone time! How is it going starting those little steps to achieve that time? Remember to be kind to yourself wherever you are in this journey. You can do this, one little step at a time!

Holiday Check-in

I know that the holidays can be a stressful and emotional time for many, so I just want to encourage everyone to take steps necessary during this time to feel okay. If this is saying no to another holiday party, do it. If this is not cooking a 5-course meal for your family and instead having tacos, do it. Lessen your stress so that you can enjoy these times with your family! One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is being present during the holidays. Those littles want to spend that quality time with you by watching Christmas movies and playing games together. Moms might wonder “am I doing enough to create that Christmas magic for my children?” The answer is probably yes you are. Now relax and enjoy the time! Our kids don’t need us to go overboard to have a happy Christmas, they need present parents who pour love onto them. Lastly, make sure you are creating that magic for yourself. Have an at-home date night with your husband/partner eating your favorite snacks and watching your favorite Christmas movie or show. Or get a festive bath bomb and enjoy a relaxing bath with your favorite book or favorite drink. Put effort into yourself because it’s going to pour over into your children’s lives.

Big Emotions

Switching gears, our little children (and older children) can have such big emotions that sometimes confuse us and throw us off guard. Like as crazy as having a good breakfast on a Tuesday morning, and then when they come back downstairs after getting dressed, they are upset and angry. And you’re left standing there like woah… what just happened? Honestly, those little bodies are probably feeling and thinking the same. Woah, why do I feel so angry right now? Depending on their age, they may not actually be thinking that word for word, but they might be very confused within their own bodies.

We want to help them understand their emotions and help them express them in productive ways. Let’s say that kid who went upstairs to change, remembered that he had an assignment that was due today that he forgot. He now feels anxious, nervous, scared. But instead of saying something, he comes back downstairs and appears angry and on edge.

In that moment, it can be hard to get through and understand. You can try calming him down by reassuring him that everything is okay, whatever is bothering him can be solved if he is able to communicate what the problem is, that you are there for him and so forth. Now, when the moment has passed, and things have calmed down is when you are able to chat through what happened. Ask him what happened, what was he angry about? Let him know you are a safe space and that you aren’t angry about his big feelings, but that you just want to help him. If you can get him to open up, you can reassure him. Let him know things are going to be just fine and set up a plan for when it happens again.

Keeping the problems in and not sharing them is going to make the child feel worse and the emotions feel even bigger. Expressing this to them is going to help them see that they can be open about the things that are bothering them. Let them know that they don’t have to solve the problems on their own. Lastly, kids will have feelings that they are even unsure where they come from. Give them space to feel them, but then communicate with them about them. Give them tools to calm down and help them to understand why afterward.

Tools can be: drawing, writing, reading a book, listening to music, going outside, talking to a friend, talking to a parent or adult, baking, sports/being active, building something, playing something, etc. When those feelings are big and heightened, they need to soothe and find ways to calm themselves down. You can help them do this of course! But they will need to be active in the process for it to work. Let them know once they are calmed down and feel a bit better, that you will be there to talk about it and find a solution together. You might be able to notice what brought on the burst of emotions, and gently explaining that first A happened (A being an event/trigger), and then B happened (B being his reaction/behavior). Give them alternative ways to express. It could be communicating their feelings with you, or it could be using the tools above. Sometimes the lesson is that whatever A is, they cannot control it. Instead focusing on B, because that is what they can control. By creating a safe space for your child to be open and vulnerable about their feelings, you allow them to express themselves in a healthy way. Allow your kids to make mistakes and learn from them in the safe space that is you, your family, and home.

I can dive more into how our thoughts about an event or trigger leads to our behavior. This education can be helpful for pretty much everyone. And it’s something we are probably aware of, but don’t take the steps to change for the better. This will help our littles and ourselves.

To recap, when our littles are having these big emotions, remember to be calm and be there for them. Patience. Give them the tools now to start to soothe themselves, calm themselves. When these big emotions arise, you can suggest a few of those tools. Then when they are ready to talk, you are there without judgment. You can help them work through their problem and reassure them. Reassuring them will encourage them to take better steps next time, and that they are safe to have their feelings and work through them. Helping them understand what set them off in the first place, will help them choose a different behavior that will align with their needs.

I loved chatting with you! Remember to be kind to yourself, especially now with the chaos that is brought with the holidays. Be there for yourself, so you can be there for your kids and everyone else important to you. Help those kids with those big emotions, be there safe space and allow them to feel those feelings. Help them be productive with them, instead of unproductive. It’s hard, but you got this! Be kind to yourself always.

Reminder: this is not a form of therapy/counseling. If you are experiencing negative mental health symptoms, I encourage you to reach out to a local mental health professional so that you are able to get direct help.