Learn more about our resident mental health expert and author of Mental Health Mondays, Jade Savage.

Hello moms!

Let’s catch up! How is your adult time treating you? Have you started working on those steps? How is that going? How is your mental health? Are you finding those coping skills helpful and useful to implement? If you ever have any questions or comments about a topic, always feel free to email hello@momssociety.com or post in the mental health group in The Moms Society community! I encourage you to keep working on those previous topics and techniques!

Different Kind of Support

Last week we talked about finding support that can help with childcare when you are wanting that adult time! But what do we do when we have that childcare support, but we don’t necessarily have any adult support to enjoy that adult time with? Friendships in adulthood can be hard. Just as we were talking about how it can be difficult to find time away from our kids, it can be difficult to find people to spend adult time with. Let me just note, some of you may have plenty of options to reach out to when spending time away from your kids, and there are going to be many of you that are in between. All states are okay, and you should not feel bad about where you sit on that line.

Sometimes social media can show us that we need a big group of friends. If you have one or two good friends, don’t let that picture of a big group of friends tell you that you aren’t doing enough or that you should have more. Having one or two people you can call on for support for your own life and to hang out with for quality time is the goal here! (again, if you have more than that, that’s great!) These people you call for support can be anyone. Maybe it’s your sister, sister-in-law, long-distance friend from college, friend from your child’s school, your mom, an aunt, work friend, and so forth. Notice how I did not include your husband? That support of your husband or spouse or partner, is in its own separate field. If you are in a state of your life where your husband (partner) is the only person you can think of where you would want that adult time, that is perfectly fine! There are benefits of having someone outside of your own home that you can call on for support. But life has different challenges and waves, and we do our best. The main goal is that you are spending time away from your kids, sometimes just to be by yourself and have alone time, and others it’s with an adult! The sole purpose is to take that time to care for yourself and give yourself things that you need to be able to give back to your family.

Although finding a friend is easier said than done, here are just a few ideas that can get you started. You could look up different groups around your community such as a book club, pottery club, walking club, fitness/workout class or gym and so forth. Find something that interests you and join! Be brave! The worst that can happen is that you don’t find anyone you connect with, which is okay because you took a big step and you tried, and you got to spend some time alone doing something that you enjoy. Another great way to meet a friend is through your kids. Maybe join a mommy and me class, a library class for you and your littles, a learning class at your local science center/children’s museum and so forth. For those older kids, school activities and programs within the school. These are all ways that you can begin to find a friend/someone to talk to and hang out with that will help fill your cup! The key is that you must be invested in this step!

Control

How is the mindfulness practice going? Are you paying attention to your thoughts? If you have, have you noticed whether your thoughts are realistic or un-realistic? The practice of focusing on your thoughts and understanding what they are telling you and how that is affecting your behaviors (reality) is a good practice that is applicable with a lot of big emotions and daily struggles. As moms, the feeling of being overwhelmed with the endless to-do list can happen frequently. You may be pulled in many different directions with things to do for your house, kids, husband/partner, work, social life, school, and so forth. Feeling extreme overwhelm is very hard to deal with and you may wonder what you should do first and how you are going to get through the day. Some practical tips, understand the difference between what needs to be done and what can wait for another day, another time. Further, look if there is space for help with some of those tasks. Can your mom help you by picking something up from the store for you? Can your husband help unload the dishwasher when he gets home? Understand what are capable of, and beyond that, push it towards another day. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do. Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t control. Being mindful about what your thoughts are telling you about what you should get done, and work to change them towards what you can do, and what you can’t do will work itself out.

I saw something on Instagram the other day where it said burnout is not a pledge of honor, take the rest that you need. This is so true for moms focusing on their mental health. If at the end of the day you are burnt out and have no time for yourself to fill your bucket and make sure you are okay, that balance is off. Strive to focus on that balance. Small steps and ways that we can find that balance is understanding what we can control, what we can do. Understanding what our thoughts are telling us and changing them when they do not serve us. Prioritizing time away from kids, quality time with your people, and taking care of yourself.

Let’s Move On

Next week, we’re going to steer away from chatting about adult time. I wanted to take the time to stress the importance of prioritizing yourself by getting that time away from your children. Now, we are going to talk about other ways we can prioritize yourself, so don’t get too worried. We are going to find moments for yourself, because that bucket must be getting filled to keep that mental health safe.

Next week you can also look for ways to help your children cope. We are going to talk about resiliency in children and effective coping skills for them. These will be things that you can do at home to help understand your children, and help your children understand themselves.

I loved chatting with you! Life throws you many challenges, always remember to be kind to yourself. Every day offers new challenges, but it also offers new blessings and insights. Choose your path, and lead with self-compassion.

Reminder: this is not a form of therapy/counseling. If you are experiencing negative mental health symptoms, I encourage you to reach out to a local mental health professional so that you are able to get direct help.